Thursday, 30 June 2005

Words only hurt if you read them

Don't play their game!

I love that line from Zoolander! Much funnier than the plethora of malaproprisms (eugugoly anyone?) anyway.


So consumer whoring wise I haven't been the busiest little beaver but I have snagged a few choice items of late:

Morocco Style, a gorgeous coffee table photo-book of the Taschen persuasion, is one of the later entries in the publishing house's Icons series. The book sports more than a few stunning shots of exquisite exteriors artfully adorned in symmetrical tessera of the most amazingly vivid colours. It has given me quite a few good ideas for the atrium in my dream house design. The roof-top shade sail seating arrangement on pages 28 through 31 is especially noteworthy. I may miss the embedded shards of glass atop the parapet motif. A bit savage for this sensitive soul.

My only complaint is that it doesn't easily lend itself to browsing whilst eating with one hand and page flipping with the other.

I told you it looked gorgeous.

Lady Snowblood 1 & 2 and Twilight Samurai, Eastern Eye DVDs of the older Japanese slashing sword and splattered blood variety. Not having watched them as yet I can only say they look gorgeous on my shelf of Eastern Eye DVDs.

Continuing with the slashing swords and splattered blood motif I have also secured on DVD the Takeshi Kitano remake of Zatoichi that featured in last year's Wellington Film Festival. On the big screen at the Embassy it was decidedly enjoyable.

I'm not sure if Master P enjoyed it as much as I did though. Which reminds me, I must let his folks know which movies I'm seeing this year.

For this year's Wellington Film Festival I have spent close to $600 on tickets to see around 35 films. I have learned from the mistakes of past years and have only booked concurrent films if they are in the same theatre, ensured I see no more than three films in any one day, and maintained at least two movie-free days. Should be good even if my bank balance isn't thanking me. How do 35 tickets = $600? I bought a few extras for other people so I won't always be a Nigel No-Mates.

Thankfully today is pay day.

Hmmm... money.

Hiccups

Ok so blogspot has been giving me a few troubles with some of my more recent posts.

By troubles I mean not posting them.

Trying to sort it out now.

Sunday, 26 June 2005

I buy it, I buy it not...

Ok so I like have this like t-shirt design in like red and like khaki.

Should I like get it in like dark grey too?

Who am I kidding? It's already been ordered!

Hmmm... butterflies.

In Soviet Russia, monkey spank you

So I saw Madagascar and must confess to quite enjoying it (this is where Dandy scratches his head in confusion).

I can't say the movie was great because it wasn't. The main characters got rather boring rather quickly and the animation was ok but not pioneering in any sense. To be honest it was the small things that made the movie and by small I mean the side characters and the funny asides like the monkeys aversion to literary god Tom Wolfe (well, of course we're going to throw poo at him!), King Julius' aversion to modesty and humility (what is a bite on the butt amongst friends?) and psychotic penguin shenanigans.

Shame about the annoying kids in the audience insisting on screaming out to their parents. The repeated rounds of "MUUUUUUUM!! he won't give me any LOOOOOOOOLLIES!!!" mark an especially resplendent note in my movie viewing experience.

Imitation: the sincerest form of flattery?

Interesting development of the weekend #1: my partner in crime adopts a template for his blog remarkably similar in appearance to my own.

It's not a bad thing. I'm just wondering why it happened.

Saturday, 25 June 2005

It's kinda sick that you sleep in their beds

So Friday night Dandy and I saw The Amityville Horror and... well... it wasn't too bad.

Granted the story was pretty bad, the acting decidedly wooden and the different back stories incomprehensibly linked, but the frights were well done and the lack of gore was very much appreciated by this viewer.

Suffice to say I was convulsing in my seat with every fright. To be honest however I knew that Dandy had already seen the movie so whenever he tensed up I knew something was coming and that only added to the tension and expectation. That his tight clenching of the bag of maltesers in his hands was a sign of impending frights only added insult to injury.

So in short, the movie isn't too bad and yes I did scream like a girl but that is all Dandy's fault.

Oh and for those interested in such things, Dandy seemed to quite enjoy the aesthetic allure of a drenched and topless Ryan Reynolds on the big screen.

I don't see it myself.

This is what happens when you mess with a man's kitchen

Friday, 24 June 2005

Oooh! *squeals*

It seems I have joined the ranks of those worthy of a link from the fine folk at the Wellingtonist. Although one of many and buried well and deep in the list (far far behind that of my partner in crime) I am rather humbled by this unsolicited gesture.

Does anyone have a tissue?

Oh and while we're on the subject of my partner in crime I feel almost honour-bound to respond to his slur against Curve and unceasing insistence on supporting the "musical" efforts of has-been brit act *coughs up something decidedly phlegmy* Oasis.

Yes that is how one spells phlegm.

Words are meaningless and forgettable

Tori Amos covering Depeche Mode classic Enjoy the Silence? Believe me when I say the song sounds weirder than the premise.

Well, with all the comings and goings at work these days writer's block seems to have set in with another literary effort demanded for yet another leaving card. How many times can one say "all the best" without it coming across as disingenuous? Especially when the person leaving is someone you'd much rather wasn't.

I'll work something out.

I'm not sure what bug has crawled up Jameson's backside but it seems his Scissor Sister expectations were crudely and (judging by the ferocity of his verbiage) rather painfully dashed. Now you won't catch me at one of their concerts to be surrounded by a veritable menagerie of weirdness and unsung freaks of society. I've got the Brighton Beach concert on DVD. I've seen how weird the crowd is. Best enjoyed from a distance methinks. Besides all the anti-America / anti-Bush /we're-staying-in-Britain-because-Bush-stole-our-country-from-us bollocks gets a bit tiresome. That said I quite enjoy the offending CD and even went so far as to get the Scissor Sisters Remixed for more sisterliciousness. That the song Laura is about Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks still brings a smile to the face.

And if things couldn't get any weirder, I have been informed that my dad is pretty hot.

Twilight Zone anyone?

Thursday, 23 June 2005

Smells like... victory

Well today has been quite the festive affair.

Hunts Snack Pack Pudding Tubes of the chocolate persuasion for breakfast. Champion.

No coke until mid-afternoon. That was tough going.

Convivial lunch with a colleague-slash-kindred spirit of sorts at Floridita's on Cuba. Recommend the grilled chicken sandwich and a glass or two of the Cloudy Bay sav. An apt match.

Bedecked in Saville Row shirt (tall with taper fit of course) finished off with silver-encased obsidian cufflinks and the pumpkin-coloured cashmere scarf to end all pumpkin-coloured cashmere scarves. Apparently I was the very model of calm and order as everything around me tended to... well... not be calm or ordered.

Fingers crossed I wasn't caught on TV. I surrendered my scarf to beautify el presidente, leaving me looking somewhat less gorgeous myself.

Special treat for the day: Waikato coloured socks from the South Pacific floral wonder herself. 30% wool and 70% acrylic they are chock-full of synthetic fibre goodness. Cheers darl, they are indeed suitably tacky and very greatly appreciated.

I would have reciprocated with something from my travels to the thriving metropolis of Feilding (do you think anyone has explained the whole 'i' before 'e' thing to them yet?) but I'm afraid a speeding ticket just outside Shannon is the only souvenir I have of the trip.

Tuesday, 21 June 2005

Thats what they all say and the next thing you know the maltesers are gone and Dandy is having trouble speaking with his mouth full

No need to worry folks. The maltesers are stored somewhere safe. And not in the secret candyman stash at work either. Hands OUT of the drawer please.

Speaking of hands, is anyone else planning to see Interpol play Wellington in August? Should be good, even if my partner in crime derisively compares them to New Order (I don't see it myself). Should be good to hear Slow Hands, Specialist, Stella was a Diver and She's Always Down and PDA played live.

Anyone want anything from Fielding while I'm up there tomorrow? Mind you, what can one get in Fielding? I only know it as a small dot on a map above *winces* Palmerston North. I'm sorry but intercity driving is for people too poor to fly wherever they need to go.

I should probably go home now.

Less than pure

I don't know about you but there is something instinctively attractive about a woman in a cow-skin skirt.

Monday, 20 June 2005

Ok, so...

Problem solved.

I think I'll head home now. I think I can almost hear the M&Ms talking to me about the physics of light and how a dataprojector can project the colour black.

Now this is something that has never made any sense to me. How can something operating on the basis of projecting light project a colour that is by its very nature representative of not only a lack of colour but a lack of light. White contains all colour so I can understand how white can be projected onto a wall.

Makes no sense whatsoever.

Once again, I defer to blaming the paint fumes.

The Usual Suspects

So today has seen the triumphal return of many familiar faces into this consumer whores daily existence. Pity their return is sans the trophies offered in past excursions to the northern regions.

Anywho, nothing to report on the consumer whore front I'm afraid. Shameful I know but nothing decidedly impractical let alone outrageously expensive has been screaming out to me.

I blame the paint fumes myself.

Anyone know why my blog looks all skew-whiff? I'd rather not dick around with the template lest it all turn to... well... shit.

Sunday, 19 June 2005

Hardcore yes. Porno no


Well folks the programme for the Wellington Film Festival is out at long last and this year delivers a quite different smorgasbord of cinematic offerings than previous years.

For starters we have no asian horrors/thrillers of the Dark Water, Ring trilogy variety. We also have an absence of deadpan Scandinavian comedies of the Aki Kaurismaki and Dogme persuasion. There is also a noticeable lack of offbeat docos of the likes of Screaming Men.

We are thankfully spared the raft of do-gooder docos that riddled last year's programme.

My favoured line-up this year instead comprises anime aplenty, a few euro thrillers, and... well... other films:

Hidden: French paranoia thriller
Howl's Moving Castle: Latest effort from Princess Mononoke creator
5000 Fingers of Dr. T: How can you not love Dr Seuss?
36, quai des Orfevres: Gunfights and cop ambition en francais
The Ax: French revenge flick
Yes: Sally Potter returns
Mysterious Skin: the plot intrigues me
Palindromes: Latest effort from Happiness creator
Undertow: Bayou Gothic thriller
Birth: Latest effort from Sexy Beast creator
The Edukators: 1960s revolutionaries are such a turn-on
Homegrown: Works on Film: I'd like to see it for the short film Nothing Special
Thumbsucker: the next Napoleon Dynamite?
The Woodsman: Hmmm... paedophiles
Czech Dream: con schemes are funny
Animation Now!: always been a sucker for cartoons
The Digital Space: and the fancy cartoons
Animation for Kids: and kids cartoons too
Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence: Sequel to the less verbosely titled seminal anime
Steamboy: Return to form from Akira creator
wavelength 05: ooh... shiny
j-star 05: ooh... japanese shiny
Kung Fu Hustle: this MIGHT be funny
Dumplings: Expanded Chinese mindfuck from Three... Extremes
High Tension: French sex-with-decapitated-heads thriller
Godzilla Final Wars: The final chapter
Land of the Dead: Latest entry in the zombie saga
League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse: Because the TV show is the dogs swollen bollocks
The Magician: Chopper meets Best in Show?
The Ordeal: Euro gothic horror
Three... Extremes: Chinese mindfuck from three of asia's best horror storytellers

31 films seems a tad... well... mad. The ass pain from last year's 30 film marathon effort is rushing back. I may need to cut this list down.

I'd like to be able to sit down without having to sit on one of these.

Does she come in black?

So Dandy and I saw Batman Begins. I liked it but obviously not nearly as much as he did.

Yes the hallucinogenic scenes were well done (hence the fire-breathing horse), yes Morgan Freeman was a welcome addition, yes this incarnation does avoid the camp all too prevalent in the post-Burton years, yes the new batmobile is a huge improvement on those of previous incarnations of the dark knight, yes it did set itself up nicely for future extensions of the BB franchise, and yes the fight scenes were pretty good.

Thankfully all that more than compensated for an annoying Katie Holmes, dialogue that far too often plumbed the depths of deep-and-meaningful, a decidedly underwhelming villain in the form of Scarecrow, a disappointingly easy demise for Ra's Al Ghul (the man died too effortlessly for someone meant to be immortal), and a Bruce Wayne lacking the jaw to really pull off wearing the dark knight's mask.

And what was up with the whole thing with the microwave emitter and the polluted water supply? Methinks someone was trying just a little TOO hard to be crafty.

Saturday, 18 June 2005

Quitcherbitchin'

Ok so maybe I have been in the deeply passionate throes of gadget glee and maybe my blog has suffered but please remember that I am a boy and everyone knows how it is with boys and their toys.

So yes, my new phone is suitably fabulous and everyone bar the ginga (who commented on it being too bulky) seems to love it almost as much as I do.

Moving on to less repetitive topics of discussion I partook of a particularly delicious bacon sarnie at Astoria last week. The bacon was crunchy without being dessicated (as often befalls those who come to over-cook bacon) and bound between two door-stop slices of impeccably toasted bread with a simple dressing of oil and rocket fuel sauce. The rocket leaf garnish utterly superfluous to the dish, it was particularly well done and I do recommend it. The San Pellegrino Limonata seems an appropriate beverage.

My trip back to the office involved a detour through Kirkcaldies and lo and behold I came out the other end of the store with a pumpkin-coloured cashmere scarf around my neck. Now before some of you start wondering why I would wear a colour like pumpkin can I please remind you that black is a colour far too prevalent among this city's pedestrians. Besides, I tire of the constant ingestiong of the possum fur literally moulting from my merino mink scarf and gloves. And cashmere does feel so very good on one's skin.

Oh and please don't ask what I paid for the scarf.

Now what else has happened?

Well upon the ginga's recommendation I sat down to a surprisingly good tamil meal at Roti Chenai on Victoria Street. Surprising more in the sense of concerns raised by their choice of serving dishes and 'interesting' kitchen arrangements than the quality of the food provided. The metal cups provided for cold drinks still leaves me intrigued. Ordering the Beef Dosai I was served an enormous rice flour pancake akin to a crispy crepe filled with spicy beef mince, a small bowl of dhal curry, dollop of tomato coulis and what I can only assume was tahini on a magnificent palm leaf metal platter. Suffice to say not a scrap of food was left on the platter and there was much sighing of a satiated soul. Decidedly inexpensive, the meal proved to be quite the pleasant experience.

Still prefer the White House though.

Hmmm... Roast duck and water chestnut soup... Mushroom veloute... Don't even get me started on the peas vinaigrette!

Tuesday, 14 June 2005

Ain't she purdy as a pitcher?


The phone people! THE PHONE!

Monday, 13 June 2005

And so it begins...

I have my dead sexy new toy and my partner in crime now has a pxt capable phone.

What have I unleashed on this unsuspecting world? OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Oh well, at least my phone looks gorgeous.

Oh and I bought some new CDs to feed the iPod today... the new Foo Fighters, the new Spoon, some not so new Spoon, some definitely not new Fiona Apple and a Kylie (because you can never have enough Kylie in your collection)

What am I thinking?

I'll just buy that dead sexy cellphone I've had my eye on.

Silly me!

Hmmm... new toy

I'm reminded of the phrase "making a deal with the devil"

So my favourite bank has kindly come through with a $4,000 extension to my credit card limit. Although completely unsolicited on my part, who am I to turn down such an offer. As a consumer whore with a reputation to maintain I must admit to being almost aroused at the possibilities for future consumer whoring this extension presents.

Almost.

And yet here I sit typing away with my extension unadulterated and untouched by even one effort of...well... any purchasing. Believe me when I say I have extensively browsed the websites for Amazon, Threadless, Eastern Eye and Sony Ericsson and yes I have been tempted to add a few items to my shopping cart.

That said, I must confess that nothing is wending its way to our fair shores from parts unknown.

Speaking honestly, that worries me.

Thursday, 9 June 2005

Sorry buddy, I don't swing that way

Now I'm not vain enough to think my taste in music is flawlessly... well... tasteful (my iPod harbours more than one CD of shame buried amongst the many thousands of acceptable material) and yes I do enjoy Kylie, the Scissor Sisters and A-Ha's more recent efforts.

I'm sorry but can we please be done with Oasis and Coldplay.

No really.

It is really pissing me off to walk into Sounds or any other CD store for my daily dalliance with wanton purchases only to find myself besieged on the way in by the dreadfully strained whinings of the slightly less unsightly Gallagher brother let alone the repetitive whinings of Gwyneth's terribly SNAG handbag on the way out.

It really is enough to put this consumer whore off buying anything and that my friends is NOT a good thing! Remember people that the iPod needs feeding if Jake is to stay a happy whore.

So can we please put all this Britrubbish behind us and move on to a golden age of more audibly enjoyable music of the whine-free variety.

I certainly hope so.

And while we are on the subject of rubbish I see Big Brother Australia is back on our screens, albeit buried in the pre-news and late night dead slots. Catching a re-run of the late night coverage this Big Brother series has little in the way of redeeming features as even the strained accents of the previous-seasons-housemates-cum-current-season-commentators loses its novelty so very very quickly. No nudity or tasty eyecandy as far as I could tell either. How very underwhelming. Dicking around in togas on segways?

Not for me thank you. And no I'm not bitter. I'm just opinionated.

Tuesday, 7 June 2005

Hold on! This is the one where the Fonz says "Aaay!"

I know it has been a while since my last post, but people please... there is no need to display such impatience for your next fix of whorish goodness!

Especially when my partner in crime thinks I've been sharing far too much information in my more recent posts, the South Pacific floral wonder loves my work, my blog and her new underwear while my former workplace wife demands news of my career prospects, the pedant thinks I pick on her on purpose, and a newcomer to the blogosphere considers my whorish ways to be idiotic.

Thankfully for some of you I am far too much of an egotistical glory hound -slash- attention seeker to ever leave this for too long.

Items of interest arising this brief holiday week?

The New Zealand Film Festival have released an early list of films they'll be screening later this year. Of particular interest to this consumer whore is Steamboy (a long-awaited return to form by the makers of seminal anime Akira), Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (everyone loves cyborgs with guns) and Godzilla Final Wars (the last Godzilla? Say it ain't so!), Land of the Dead (George Romero's zombie saga continues), and The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse (are you local?).

That is about all I could identify from the titles because I can't really be assed going through each film entry. Well at least not until the shiny glossy festival programme comes out.

That said, it is good to see happy times ahead. And no doubt indelibly sore derrieres among those of us foolish enough to schedule five screenings in one day.

Another item of interest is a dead-sexy Montebello tie I bought on Tuesday for a work meeting (stuff wearing the decidedly pedestrian ties work give away to unsuspecting electeds). It did cost a bit more than most might spend on a tie, but it was a last-minute purchase and it does cut a rather dashing figure when worn.

Silk, of course, and woven into a sturdy frame that holds its shape well the tie is black with three-tone grey diagonals in very bold lines. Rather funereal I'll admit but dead sexy all the same. Such a shame then that it is decidedly uncomfortable on my butch and manly neck so thankfully Dandy has happily agreed to take possession of it given his more... well... svelte neck.

I'd post a picture but he's terribly shy.

We also have quite the social event happening at the ginga's place tomorrow night with yours truly having assisted with the catering. Last night's efforts proved rather enjoyable despite the five hours spent on one's feet. Still sore to this morning but all things point to tasty tasty eats for all concerned.


I think someone mentioned something about karaoke being made available. I hope not. For everyone else's sake. A John Rowles-esque rendition of Jamelia's Superstar anyone? No? What about a Scissor Sisters moment?

I didn't think so.

Sunday, 5 June 2005

When Remakes Attack

This is Aeon Flux back in the 1990s.



This is Aeon Flux later this year.


I don't know about you but Charlize is not showing nearly enough skin. And yes her thighs do look fat in that suit. I'm sorry but its true.

Fingers crossed the live action remake of Aeon Flux is a decent watch. If the the trailer for the ubiquitous video game-of-the-movie is anything to go by it should be pretty good.

I'm just a dentist

This arrived in my inbox this morning

Does anyone recognise the misfit elf? I don't.

Do my pecs look big in this shirt?

I should probably point out that Dandy and I saw D.E.B.s and The Hole as part of the Outtakes Film Festival on right now.

If anyone feels like seriously questioning why two well-adjusted individuals would choose to see such films I respectfully blame Dandy as it was all his idea.

All I suggested was that we grab a bite to eat before the movies at Floriditas (ex-Anise up Cuba Street) and that my friends was a stand-out suggestion. Pumpkin and toasted walnut risotto with a side dish of roasted beets (hmmm... golden beets). Fab... You... Lous! Oh and Dandy seemed to enjoy his potato and spinach gnocchi.

But I digress.

The terrible films were his idea so please think less of him instead of my lovely self.

Oh and how awkward do you think it is running into people you know through work at a screening of gay porn?

Very.

No, I'm Swedish

As far as spoofs go this was pretty bad. Well actually this was incredibly bad. So bad in fact that many of us who saw this dire movie aren't entirely sure if we enjoyed it or not.

What is this dire movie? Why The Hole of course.

A gay spoof of The Ring, this movie always was going to err on the dodgier side of cinema. And err it did. The 'film' is loosely based around the plot of The Ring but watching the videotape means that in seven days the viewer becomes gay. In six decidedly 'graphic' scenes. With gayer-than-gay gay guys trying to play it... well... straight.

And how does one come to know whether or not they have become gay? Apparently by pashraping your best friend and tearing his clothes off with your teeth.

I'm sorry but this film was pointless for so many reasons.

Interestingly though there was a visible presence of more than a few women in theatre. I'm not sure why given the overwhelmingly obvious bearing of flesh not generally considered attractive to women of the lesbian persuasion.

Appropriately enough this screening was sponsored by Jack. I'm not sure if this is a new magazine or 'something else'. Dandy reckons its a magazine. I'm not sure I believe him after watching The Hole.

So if anyone is looking for a terrible excuse for gay porn I may have just found it.

Either speak French or English. Frenglish is not a language

And that ladies and gentlemen is about as good as D.E.B.s got. No really. It was THAT bad. And I don't mean that in a good way either.

2 Fast 2 Furious' Devon Aoki as a french college student? No thank you. Don't ask how I know she was in THAT movie.

And yes the skirts really were THAT short.

Its amazing how not even incredibly short skirts and girl-on-girl loving can save a terrible film.

Hmmm... lesbians? Not last night my friends.

I'm still having nightmares about the dialogue.

And to think the screening was sponsored by Rainbow Labour. Thankfully I wasn't the only who didn't care what Maryanne Street was ranting about up the front of the Paramount. The hissing from obviously die-hard Labour Party supporters spoke volumes about tolerance. I was almost afraid to know what Maryanne meant when she said 'paraphernalia' was available out side the theatre.

Thursday, 2 June 2005

Ain't it the truth?


Whoever said ignorance was bliss deserves a medal!

Jhonen Vasquez deserves a few bucks for drawing this and Johnny The Homicidal Maniac. Oh and Invader Zim. I loved that show on TV!

Hmmm... alien invaders

Stop it you're turning me on!

Well it seems it is THAT time of year again where my partner in crime gives up caffeinated drinks of the carbonated persuasion. Two days into this endeavour and all seems well. Not that I want to jinx the obvious benefits to his dental health and oft-neglected bank balance.

Having known the man for a few years now, I am generally met with a palpable sense of glee whenever I wander into his office to deliver a fresh-from-the-fridge bottle of V.

Its just that I find it interesting how year after year JJ can so obligingly abstain from that which so obviously gives him so much pleasure. Am I missing something here or does this seem antithetical to... well... what God intended?

Maybe I should go cold turkey on the shopping for a month and try this abstinence thing out for myself. Restrict my spending to *chokes* the essentials. Save *wretches* money.

I think I need a coke.

Marvin this is everyone, everyone this is Marvin


So Dandy and I saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy last night and he absolutely hated it. Then again he is trudging his way through the books by Douglas Adams so being a book-reading purist I guess such a reaction was to be expected.

Yes it was little more than fairly mindless fluff with a few funny sight gags (sighing doors, Marvin's chronic depression, the effects of the improbability drive on the crew) and yes the characters were bland and uninteresting, yes John Malkovich was completely unnecessary, yes Sam Rockwell's rockstar routine got old very quickly and yes Mos Def didn't really rate despite being one of the central characters.

Despite its many faults I rather enjoyed the movie. Not sure I'd go out of my way to recommend it to anyone though. Least of all you my adoring masses.

Oh and yes plenty o' beer was had last night but I'm sure that in no way coloured my reaction to the film.

Does anyone know why the bit where my spine meets the shoulder blades is really sore this morning?